9 years later
they’re sitting on louis’ bed, cold tongues of winter air licking their skin and raising goosebumps.
"you want it first?" louis’ looking at harry expectantly, eyebrows raised and bare feet tucked under his legs as he holds out the unlit joint that he just finished rolling.
harry nods, leaning forward for louis to put the paper stick in his mouth. he’s already a little woozy from inhaling the weed when louis first brought the little packets out. there were so many flavors: amnesia lemon, nepalise dragon, papaya. Louis chose one labeled “california orange bud,” heady and citrusy and slightly bitter.
louis’ parents are gone for the weekend because it’s their anniversary. louis thinks they just want an excuse to go to a hotel and have sex, but he’s not complaining. it’s more time for him and harry to smoke.
"you should wear socks; s’cold," harry says around the joint as louis lights the end with a match.
louis snorts, watching as harry inhales deep and the end sparks, glowing red. “you should wear clothes, goddam hypocrite.” but he’s smirking at harry (whose clothed only in his briefs) with such fondness, reaching out to press his hand over harry’s bare chest to feel where his lungs expand and heart thumps diligently. it’s scary somehow, knowing the process of harry’s life thrums just below his hand.
harry smiles, tilting his head up and exhaling the smoke dramatically. “look lou, i’m a fire breathing dragon.” he giggles at his own joke, huffing leftover smoke out of his nose and handing the joint over to louis as he rests his hands behind his head and sinks back into the unmade bed with a contented sigh.
louis rolls his eyes and takes a long drag, closing his eyes and melting into the mellow heaviness that settles in his limbs.
he feels a heavy weight drop into his lap and breaks away from his private bubble to peer at the curly head nuzzling into his sweatpants. for a second harry just smiles at him, lazy and quiet. even his blinking is slow and the fringe of harry’s dark eyelashes distracts louis for a second. wow, he thinks before inhaling again deeply and leaning down to press his winter-chapped lips gently against harry’s larger ones, blowing the sweet smoke into the boy’s startled mouth.
he leans back, the fingers of one hand wandering over harry’s scalp through the fields of his hair. “you thirsty?” harry usually likes to drink something when they do this (even though they’ve only done it a few times) and sure enough the younger boy is nodding against louis’ thigh and making grabby hands for the fag.
louis chuckles and holds it out of reach for a second but soon relents when harry pouts, placing it back between his lips and hopping off the bed to fetch a soda from the garage.
as he strolls through the kitchen he’s reminded of the second time he brought harry home all those years ago, harry’s hair dripping ridiculously and the both of them sneaking brown sugar straight out of the bag. he’s so glad harry stayed, that he never left again. his dad’s in prison now, has been for years after louis’ mum reported him for child abuse and rape and got sole custody of the curly-haired boy.
he digs lemon-lime fizzy pop out of the package on top of the meat freezer, shivering in the icy garage and hopping on barefeet back to his room. he notices, grumpily, that his high is swiftly dimming in light of the freezing cement under his toes and the lack of a warm harry to curl around his body and he darts faster. he tries not to jostle the soda in his haste but he’s a little unsteady on his feet and ends up knocking the can against his bedroom door as he nudges it open.
harry’s pasted against his sheets like a giant starfish. somehow even his briefs have come off and now he lies totally nude, one arm behind his head and smoke rings puffing out of his mouth.
louis grins, setting the soda on his nightstand and hopping onto the bed, sprawled all across the tall boy and tucking his ice cube toes under the harry’s warm calfs.
"hey," harry frowns, tucking his chin and lifting his head a little so he can look down at the small boy on his chest. "get your fucking feet off me."
louis grins. “not a chance, styles.” and then he’s tickling all along harry’s naked sides and making smoky giggles bubble out of his red mouth. “what now harry? will you let me warm my feet up, hmm?”
"no," harry gurgles, struggling to breathe now and flaling his arms weakly against louis in protest. "never!" but it’s weak and breathy and said half through a giggle and louis stops tickling suddenly, using harry’s suprise to steal the joint out from between harry’s pale fingers and take another long hit.
"you evil twat," harry scolds, glaring at louis as he reaches over him to pick up his soda.
louis can’t stop smiling. can’t stop staring. “i love you so much,” he says suddenly, taking the hand harry wasn’t using to drink out of and lacing their fingers together. he wants to tie them together like shoelaces, double knotted and snug. he could light one of his matches and singe the strands, fusing them together so they could never separate.
"you’re sappy when you’re high," harry chooses to say after a few thoughtful moments. he smirks down at louis and gulps down his soda.
"i want some hazza!" louis whines, reaching out for the can and harry hands it over easily in favor of snatching back the fag.
they’ve been inseperable since the day they met. harryandlouis. when they were children and harry was still traumetized and still wetting the bed, louis was always there. louis didn’t always know what to do, he just knew he wanted to touch harry and keep touching harry and make him smile. he never wants harry’s dimples to disappear, filled in with the world’s soil and never dug again.
harry thrives under the attention. he feels sometimes like somewhere between his purile sobs and the cessation of his nightmares he began to depend on louis like a vital organ. he needs the way louis’ fingers dig into his shirt when they’re in public, the way his breath dampens his neck when they spoon in their bed at night. he needs the veins of louis’ laughter for his blood to flow through, the laminins of his affection to adhere all of his cells.
louis knows what happened to harry when he was a child now, recognizes the dull look in harry’s eyes when he gets a flashback. he knows harry’s frightened of older men, frightened of sex but also curious of what it would like to try it with someone he loved. the words are apprehensive whispers, breathed into the safety of louis’ ear at night as they drift off. louis accepts whatever harry gives him, always hoping he can ease some of the weight and tension from the younger lad. it also makes him warm, knowing harry doesn’t tell his secrets to anyone but him.
they’re 15 and 17 and supposed to appreciate girls’ breasts and their pretty faces and their high voices and maybe marry one someday.
all they want is each other.
it’s springtime, drizzly and muddy and green when louis graduates from sixth form. he and harry decide to board a eurostar passenger train and glide under the english channel to paris for a week in celebration.
before they leave louis dresses harry in one of his own thick hoodies, tying the strings around his neck in a neat bow and walking away with a teasing “you better sort out that bird’s-nest-excuse of a hair style or we’re not going anywhere” called over his shoulder. harry grins, shaking out his curls and brushing them off his forehead obediantly.
the train is warm and teeming with people and louisandharry snuggle so close they’re nearly on top of each other. louis digs around in his coat pocket and comes away with a small bag of jelly oranges, mischeivous smile wreathing his feathures as he presses the candy into harry’s palm. harry rolls his eyes; says “you know there’s lots of other candy in the world that i like besides these,” but he presses a kiss like a smile into louis’ cheek and louis blushes, muttering “ungrateful little shit.” harry giggles and they pass the rest of the train ride in comfortable silence, sharing a headphone each as they listen to Sufjan Stevens and the Civil Wars and Bombay Bicycle Club.
Swan dive down eleven stories high
Hold your breath until you see the light
You can sink to the bottom of the sea
Just don’t go without me
"can we go to the seaside tomorrow lou? please?”
and harry has some chocolate smeared above his lip from the cake earlier, head resting in louis’ lap and eyes closed. he’s sleepy from the wine louis sneaked into their hotel room, words swirling together softly, still dressed in his snug black jeans and white button down from the ballet they watched. his shirt is half undone and exposing the curve of his clavicles, a peak of his nipples, pale skin so endless and smooth.
suddenly louis’ mouth feels dry and he forgets what harry asked.
"lou?" harry cracks an eye open and peers up at louis’ face, finding his sudden stillness odd. louis’ always fidgeting even if he’s not talking but now he’s stopped everything and harry can barely the detect even the rise and fall of his chest.
"can i kiss you?" louis whispers, sounding like he’s in awe. of what, harry’s confused. of course they’ve pecked before, lots of times. they’re unbelievably connected, their physical affection having little to no boundaries—except this, except anything sexual. and maybe that’s not off limits either, maybe they just never were ready to try it before now. because harry can tell this isn’t an innocent friendly peck louis’ asking for, can tell by the way louis’ studying him with his pupils blown and the slight pressure of his growing hard-on against the side of harry’s head. and it doesn’t seem weird when he realizes he wants this too, wants louis to kiss him and touch him in ways they never have. it doesn’t seem scary because it’s louis, and louis would never hurt him.
so instead of saying anything, harry just shifts up from louis’s lap and leans closer to press his lips against louis’ softly. for a while they stay like that, not moving just getting used to the lingering press of their mouths locked together and even that feels nice but it’s also a little awkward because harry wants to snog louis properly. so he does.
louis whimpers in surprise when he feels harry’s teeth nip at his lower lip, tongue slipping out to soothe and lips moving harder against his. he can taste the lingering chocolate and wine in harry’s mouth, but there’s also an underlying flavor of harry, of his mint mouthwash he swishes three times a day, everyday; the taste of something louis has smelled everyday in his pillows and the clothes he borrows from harry and all the times he’s inhaled his hair. it taste’s so good and louis feels he’ll never be satiated.
they kiss until their mouths hurt, until they’re hard and aching and they want even more. louis reaches up to unbutton harry’s shirt and slip it off, glancing at harry silently and harry nods in permission, swooping down to kiss louis again as his shirt is slipped off his shoulders followed by his trousers. he reaches out to undress louis too, running his hands over louis’ smaller limbs and it’s infinitely fascinating touching with this new underlying desire as the motive behind it.
harry reaches down to palm at louis through his underwear and the older boy moans into his mouth, reaching between harry’s legs to find his dick heavy and leaking between his legs, so hard that the tip is poking obscenely out of the top of his tight little briefs and louis moans again at the sight.
"you’re so hot harry, so beautiful when you’re like this," louis breathes against harry’s neck, nipping gently at his collarbones as they stroke each other slowly.
"mm, louis please, you can take’m off," he whimpers, hips rutting desperately into louis’ hand. the older lad takes the hint, moving his hand away from harry’s length to peel off his underwear and free his aching cock. it’s flushed dark, curving against his stomach and harry whines, tearing off louis’ own underwear and staring at him shamelessly for a minute before he bends down and kisses the tip of louis’ dick.
"louis," he breathes, one hand stroking down louis’ side as he leans up to purr in his ear. "i want you to have sex with me."
louis can feel harry all around him, pulling him to another place entirely, something closed and only between them and as he kisses down harry’s neck he thinks he doesn’t want to ruin this.
"are you…are you ready?" he gasps as harry moves his fist up and down his shaft, flicking his wrist and coaxing beads of pre-cum out of the slit.
"yes, god yes. i want you to fuck me." he presses in for another kiss, a dazed smile on his face. "it’s only you louis." another kiss to each corner of his mouth, the hollows under his fine cheekbones. he can sense louis’ hesitation in the slight tension of his jaw. "no reason to be afraid. i trust you."
and louis’ still unsure but then harry’s climbing into his lap, wrapping both of his long arms tightly around his neck and kissing him deeply and their cocks bump together and the feeling of harry’s skin against his is overwhelmingly good. they kiss for awhile until harry takes one of louis’ hands and brings it behind him, guiding one of louis’ fingers to his hole.
"wait." louis breaks away from the kiss, breathless and nearly trembling with how much he wants harry. but he can’t forget about making this good for the other boy too, about making him comfortable. "we have to have lube, hazza."
harry groans and rests his forhead on louis’ shoulder and louis chuckles, sliding both hands under harry’s thighs and carrying him that way over to the bed where he presses him down gently against the cerulean comforter.
"do they have any in the bathroom?" louis asks, smoothing a curl out of harry’s eye and stepping in between his legs.
harry shakes his head, leaning forward to nuzzle his face into louis’ tummy. “i brought some. it’s in my over-night bag.”
louis’ eyes widen, but he can feel the shyness in harry’s muffled words so he doesn’t tease like he might normally, just breaks away for a second to dig through harry’s bag for the little bottle.
once he comes back to the bed and sits down, harry crawls into his lap again, starting to uncap the lube impatiently when louis stops him with a hand firm over his. harry meets his eyes, confused.
"i was…i was thinking i might…like to try something?" he squeeks, squeezing harry’s hand tentatively and harry smiles, curious, nodding for louis to continue.
"just—just get on all fours okay? i promise you’ll love this." he presses a hopeful kiss to harry’s lips for a second, revelling in the fact that he can that this whenever he wants now.
harry looks confused but doesn’t seem opposed to whatever louis’ idea is, in fact he looks excited, relieved that louis seems as into this as he is. so he turns over onto his stomach, lifting onto his knees with his cock hanging heavy between his legs, arse up in the air and craining his head back to look at what louis’ doing.
he feels the older boy’s hands gentle on his waist as he begins to press slow, open-mouthed kisses all down the knots of his vertebrae. it sends little shivers down harry’s body and he can’t help shifting a little with the teasing, reaching a hand down to grip his cock when louis bats it away, gently pushing his hand back to the mattress and holding it there.
"don’t want you to touch yourself," he murmers, lips brushing against harry’s ear and making him feel overheated and ancy. "i want you to come just from my tongue."
"what?" harry croaks, voice hoarse with arousal and eyebrows drawn in confusion but louis ignores the question, intent on continuing his teasing.
when he gets to harry’s arse he smooths over one cheek with his hand, nipping softly at the baby skin and humming low in his throat. he kisses all over his bum, licking closer and closer to his hole and pulling apart both cheeks with his hands until harry’s whining in frustration. louis leans forward, licking suddenly at the tight ring of muscle before leaning away to blow on it gently.
"louis," harry cries, and he’s not even embaressed it feels so good. he doesn’t even understand why exactly, but he thinks maybe because it’s so intimate, so intense and fond the way louis’ peppering little kisses right around his entrance before licking into it hotly, gathering saliva in his mouth and then pointing his tongue to nudge inside him and the slight stretch is amazing and then louis is eating into him like harry is the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted and he’s moving a hand to massage harry’s balls and just graze over his cock with his fingertips, teasing and working him up but not giving him anything for relief and harry can hardly stand it. he collapses fully onto the bed, all of the strength seeping out of him with each flick of louis’ tongue.
"louis," he chokes out and that’s the only warning louis has before he feels harry’s body tense and then shake as his orgasm washes over him and he releases onto the duvet.
louis crawls back over harry and turns him onto his back, revelling in how pliant and boneless harry is from the intensity of his orgam, just staring up at him with hooded eyes and turning his chin up for another kiss. he’s panting though so louis just pecks him before giving him a cheeky smile and tugging him into his chest, kissing his forehead and keeping his lips there as he asks “was that okay? you okay, darling?”
harry nods, humming against louis’ chest before he pulls back and gestures down to the older boy’s still hard cock. in fact it looks even harder than before, straining against his stomach and painfully swollen.
"i still want to ride you, lou. really, really want to." he traces light finger patterns down the older boy’s chest, looking up at him through his eyelashes and he looks so pretty that for a second louis just stares, transfixed.
"yeah?" louis aks and the thought is so hot, especially when he notices that harry is still hard. "wow, you really do want to,” he remarks, a little incredulous at harry’s eagerness.
"uh huh," harry whimpers, nodding his head eagerly and reaching for the lube again. he coats his own fingers with it, sliding them inside himself easily after being opened by louis’ tongue.
"do you want me to wear a condom?"
"no," harry moans, slicking up louis’ cock with his left hand as he lowers himself over it, keeping his fingers buried in himself until the last second. "i know you haven’t…ungh…been with anyone else.” he’s sinking down slowly, keeping one hand around louis’ cock, the other planted against louis’ pounding chest.
"harry," louis gasps when he’s fully sheathed in the younger boy, the tightness squeezing all around him and all he wants to do is pound into that heat, fuck harry until he’s gasping for air and almost unconscious from the pleasure. he wants to transcend harry’s happiest moment, give him a headspace so secluded from the world, so far away where there’s only mindless bliss and them, that no one can ever hurt him again.
"you feel so big, filling me up holy shit," harry moans and louis pulls him into a kiss, the frantic slide of their tongues distracting harry from the slight burn until he adjusts and starts to wriggle, grounding his ass down a little around louis’ cock.
it starts slow, just little rocks of his hips but soon turns dirty when harry really starts to ride him, lifting himself up almost all the way off louis’ cock before falling back down again. the only sounds in the room now are the slaps of skin on skin, grunts and curses as harry slams down into louis and angles for his prostate, louis fucking up into him and their thrusts meeting somehwhere in the middle.
"harry i’m not gonna last," louis pants, reaching in between their torsos to jack harry off in time with their thrusts. "want—want us to come together, can you do that baby?"
“oh,” harry moans long and loud as he sinks down roughly, hands anchored to louis’ shoulders as he rises and falls on louis’ cock like it’s the most important thing he’ll ever do, like this is the most emotional moment of his life. and maybe it is, because soon after louis’ request he’s coming, striping louis’ chest with his cum and collapsing against him, clinging tight as louis’ thrusts become desperate, sloppy and soon he’s coming too, filling harry up and trembling as he holds onto the curly haired boy just as tight. he feels like he’s floating and harry’s the only weight heavy enough to tether him from just drifting away from reality completely.
the next morning they wake up late, sunshine brushing over their naked forms and prodding their eyelids open.
they order room service and eat breakfast out on the balcony, harry only in one of louis’ oversized t-shirts and settled against his lap as they feed each other pain au chocolat and apricots, sipping from their tea and smiling at nothing.
it’s a rather nice day, slight breeze gusting off the Seine and tainting the air with the scent of river and grass and springtime that brushes way the usual grimy city smell.
they shower and then rent scooters to take to the coast because harry still wants to see the beach. and then the ocean is sparkling and roaring and harry is running along the sand like the carefree child he never got to be.
they stay there all day, because all louis’ ever wanted was for harry to be happy.
harry turns and looks at him from where he’s wading into the frigid water, grinning at louis and trotting over to grab his hand and pull him in with him. louis just shakes his head because the water is like snow and he doesn’t want to get soaked but he’ll do whatever harry wants and it’s stupid but he kind of loves this boy. he’s grinning back helplessly and he says it without really thinking: “i’m so glad you’re happy.”
and harry nods, curls an arm around louis’ waist and encourages him to venture further into the waves. “just stay with me then, and i’ll always be happy.”
louis thinks that he should roll his eyes or laugh off the sappiness but he can’t because he can’t stop smiling and there’s something huge curled up in his throat that stretches bigger in tandem with harry’s dimples, and his eyes are wet and full of salt like the sea.
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